Stalling

Our nightly ritual has expanded from a simple rocking to an all-out Bedtime Extravaganza. At 7:45 or so, Tyler gets in the bath. He has decided that he must stand on the edge of the tub (holding my hands) and pee into the bathwater before he gets in. I know. Ew.

After scrubbing up, he wants to brush his teeth. In the bath. In the bath filled with pee. What the hell?, I ask myself, You've already drunk a cupful.

Then comes the post-bath greasing with the lotion (Tyler will smell like a baby until he is 25, if I have my way), and the Application of Pajamas, Preferably Spider-Man Or Rocket Ships but Absolutely Not Those In Your Hands PUT THEM BACK MAMA RIGHT NOW.

By now it is 8:15. Todd reads him a book and then I go in for a snuggle. After a few minutes, I'll get up and we'll begin the real stalling:

Mama: Night-Night.
Tyler: Night-Night.
Mama: Love-Love.
Tyler: Love-Love.
Mama: Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Tyler: Don't let the spiders bite. (pause) Don't let the skee-toes bite. (pause) Don't let the tigers bite. (pause) Don't let the monkeys bite.
Mama: (trying to wrap it up) Don't let the goldfish bite.
Tyler: No, Mama! Goldfish not have teef.
Mama: Okay.
Tyler: Don't let the sharks bite.
Mama: Okay, I'm leaving now.
Tyler: No! Not done yet.
Don't let the animals bite!
Don't let the kitty cats bite!
Mama: Tyler, I am leaving.
Tyler: (Yelling as I close the door) DON'T LET THE PUPPIES BITE! DON'T LET THE BUNNY RABBITS BITE! DON'T LET THE DADA BITE!